Stump Lane
in the dirt since history began

Following up on the last two posts.

*Quote in title by Randal Graves

The greatest successful federal legislation title of the week:

The Pakistan Enduring Assistance and Cooperation Enhancement (PEACE) Act

I don’t know what this legislation does, but all of the ‘E’ words in the title scare the shit out of me. “Enhancement” meaning ‘coercion’ nowadays. And “Enduring” meaning ‘forever.’

The inevitability of this was evident back during the election. We weren’t going to have George Bush to kick around anymore. In today’s world, what’s an anti-imperialist, economic disestablishmentarian supposed to say to his friends and extended family of liberal Democrats?

Liberal Democrats who like to talk politics at family functions. [Italics are me.]

“We were traveling in Canada recently, and you know what impresses the people up there most about Obama? He hasn’t said one bad thing about Bush. He’s just came in and got down to business.”

“I didn’t think Obama was going to win. I thought a bunch of racists were going to come out and vote against him.”

Many yeah’s, and much head nodding around the table as consensus is reached.

“Of course he was going to win. The Rethuglicans weren’t even trying. McCain and Palin?! Come on!”

More yeah’s, and head nodding, and a few chuckles.

“Waht it was, is the Republicans didn’t want to be stuck holding the bag on the economy.”

“You know what I like about Obama? That you don’t have to hold your breath every time he strings together more than four sentences.”

“Yeah, Bush was awful! I cringed every time he opened his mouth!”

“Wait. Seriously?”

…

What I had planned on asking, before the above conversation broke my will to utter the words, (guess I’m not so hardcore after all,) was this: “What do you make of all the unmanned drone attacks in Afghanistan and Pakistan killing civilians and militants at a rate of 50 to 1?”

To tie it in with a favorite progressive trope of the Bush years that I hadn’t been able to disabuse one particular cousin of, I thought I might add, (again, turns out I’m not hardcore at all!) “Think we would be doing that if Gore was president?”

[I follow Maine Owl's incessant drone coverage. Why are you trying to ruin my family dinners, The Owl? Well it didn't work this time, you scoundrel!]

WHAT THREAT did school officials perceive that would lead them to “reasonably suspect” they should conduct a strip search on an 8th grader without bringing her parents in?

…school officials learned some students were allegedly bringing drugs and weapons to school. They learned students were planning to take pills at lunch after a student handed the vice principal a white pill that was identified as 400 milligrams of prescription-strength ibuprofen. [The Citizen]

Drugs! (A 400mg prescription-strength ibuprofen is equivalent to TWO over-the-counter 200mg Motrins.) And weapons!

“What’s it going to be then, eh?”

We sat in the School Cafeteria making up our rassoodocks what to do with the afternoon, a flip dark chill winter bastard though dry. One of our droogs, who often brought liquor or other veshches to peet our moloko with, was absent this afternoon, but we did manage to get our rookers on some 400-grain Ibuprong we could slosh down with our moloko. Milk with knives in it as we would call it, which would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of twenty-to-one. After lunch we’d roam the hallways, primed with nozies, and britvas, not just fisties and boots, for a malenky bit of ultra-violence.

We all had a good ha-ha when we viddied the weepy young devotchka pushing out of the headministress’ office, all folded up like she was filthy with the stinking pawprints of authority. The headministress was a skorry old babooshka with an eye for the young devotchkas in our school. one malachicka, a droog of ours, told that she was going to tell the rozzes the weepy one was tucking away Ibuprong. Which as you may guess, worked real horrorshow.

THIS MORNING on the radio:

[Emphasis added.] …abortion rights advocates say that is exactly the kind of rhetoric that sows the seeds for more violence. And they say the FACE [Freedom of Access to Clinic Entrances] Act needs to be expanded and used to crack down on such inflammatory rhetoric. [NPR]

Perhaps NPR has misconstrued what exact kind of rhetoric abortion rights advocates object to, but the reporter seemed to be referring to this:

“I understand that anger,” he says. “You know children are dying, and you want to do something. And just, you know, people just can’t take it anymore. That might just drive them to it. So I think the pro-abortion people brought this on themselves by forcing the politicians to pass these laws.”

Spitz has called those who kill abortion providers heroes, and he says he sheds no tears for Tiller.

“He was the murderer, and as far as I’m concerned, he reaped what he sowed,” he says.

Yes, kind of a douchebag. But he’s not exactly calling for anybody’s death here, is he? Maybe I’m being obtuse, but something about ‘cracking down on rhetoric’ offends the sensibilities.

Here’s another case of sexually repressed, paternalistic reactionaries using violence to further politico-moralistic objectives. Presumably.

Arson levels topless shop

I say “presumably” because we don’t know who did this yet or what their motives were. Nor do we know if they were aware of the seven people living in the building, thus indicating attempted murder in addition to arson. We do know that the topless coffee shop had stirred up controversy in the sleepy Maine town of Vassalboro, and that the arson occurred just hours after the shop owner met with town planners on “to extend[ing] the shop’s hours of operation to 1 a.m., expand[ing] the parking lot for employees and hav[ing] its wait staff dancing to the music of a disc jockey.”

I’m with IOZ in the conviction that “terrorism” has become nothing but a propaganda term of art, unhelpful in discourse without first carefully defining one’s terms. However, in keeping with the Agitprop mission, as well as my own mantra, “question everything,” riddle me this: can this be called terrorism?

Sabotage and destruction of property earn the label in cases of “eco-terrorism,” so it would seem the simple act of arson, combined with the presumed politico-moral motives, might make this a case of, I don’t know, “porno-terrorism?”

On the other hand, if the arsonist had knowledge of the building’s human occupants, and this was not only arson, but attempted murder, it might fall into a category not unlike pro-lifers murdering doctors which apparently doesn’t merit the terrorism label.

Wait, isn’t that backwards?

No. Let us consider the purpose of the propaganda:

1. We must be perpetually aware of the constant looming threat of danger. Domestic terrorism! O, NOES!!!!11!!
2. We must also be perpetually grateful for our rulers’ vigilant protection. They have kept us safe. There have been no successful terrorist strikes against The Homeland since 9-11.

WHAT IF the American People were to take a 60 percent ownership stake in a corporation, in order to save it from going under, yet exert no control whatsoever over remedial steps taken to save the company and, ostensibly, the whole economy from collapse?

…what happens is we end up with the situation of bailing out the auto companies and then facilitating moving production overseas. We end up not leveraging the public’s or the taxpayers’ investment to protect jobs and manufacturing capacity in this country, as well as furthering statutory goals and safety and environmentally proper technologies.

A good example of that is the Kenosha plant in Wisconsin. After Chrysler was pushed into bankruptcy by the US government, the Kenosha plant was under the impression that they were going to survive. Then they were called by Mr. Nardelli, who heads Chrysler, and he said, “Sorry, it’s going to have to close.” Well, the Kenosha plant is an up-to-date engine manufacturing plant that has won several awards. It has 800 workers. And the bulk of that production is going to Mexico. Now, that’s an example.

Why are we using tax dollars to facilitate the export of whole plants and jobs to communist dictatorships in China and to oligarchic, authoritarian regimes in Mexico who have turned workers into serfs and denied them independent unions and other rights that workers should have in any countries that we have trade dealings with? [Ralph Nader]

Oh, wait. That’s not what happens when the American People do it. That’s what an American oligarchic corporate-authoritarian regime controlled by private economic power would do.

Turn workers into serfs and blame it on the unions. It’s crazy enough it just might work!

HERE WE HAVE a reverse advice column, where instead of readers writing in for answers to all of their lives problems, we’re going to try something completely different. I will ask you for advice. This one and only installment of Ask the Blargosphere will deal with bicycle commuting.

Dear Blargosphere,

Summer is a short lived affair here in Maine, but there are a few months when the weather is warm enough to cycle to work. And with gasoline prices and my waistline being what they are, I plan on cycling, at least over the summer. I am looking at just under a 9 mile ride each way over non-flat terrain. (You know, a lot of ups and downs, strikes and gutters.)

Anyway, here is the dilemma: I don’t have a bike set up for commuting. And I don’t have $500 to purchase a new one. I could spend $150 or so to pick one up second hand, but have been having a difficult time finding the right bike that’s my size. I do have a couple of bikes though, that I could put the $150 (the less the better) into to modify one to commute on. This is where I could use some advice.

The bikes (don’t laugh!):

Motobecane Nomade road bike, circa 1985.

Pros: faster tires, geared better for road riding, light weight, awesome retro styling.
Cons: needs new tires, handlebars too narrow for comfort (I have wide shoulders,) have to take hands off bars to operate old style shifters, dust and grime from 16 years of storage, and let’s just say you have to plan ahead if you want to use the brakes to stop. Also, despite awesome retro styling, the pedals look dorky.

Trek 820 mountain bike, circa 1996.

Pros: more comfortable handle bar configuration, twist-type shifters on the grips, superior brakes, is newer/needs less tune-up work to be roadworthy.
Cons: gearing makes for arduous road cycling, heavy weight, aggressive off-road tires sluggish on-the-road.

OPTION 1: Outfit the road bike with straight handlebars, twist-style shifters, and maybe better brakes. Could all of this be done for $150, considering I will need new tires and a pretty comprehensive tune-up as well. This is the preferred option in my view. Is this something a novice could do at home, or is it something better left to the pros. Also, how to respond to bike shop mechanic elitism? Self deprecation? Snarkasm?

OPTION 2: Get smoother, less aggressive tires for the mountain bike. Can the gears also be replaced to get more high end? Can this be done within my budget? And will this leave me still with a bike too heavy and slow to commute comfortably?

OPTION 3: Frankenstein the two bikes together into one super bike. I know this could be done on a budget, and would probably have to be done at home. But I’d rather not, as having the spare bike around often comes in handy.

So tell me, Blargospheric Bike Commuters, what can a brother do to get rolling on the cheap? Any suggestions or advice will be much appreciated.

More pictures of the bikes under the cut… (more…)

There seems to be quite a few cyclists around these parts. Your advice is requested for an aspiring bicycle commuter. Please click through and help a buddy out.