Stump Lane
in the dirt since history began

This is the Gang Activity post for this week. It’s a fairly standard Bazooka Joe joke. It doesn’t lend itself well to the issues on my mind today: Disappearing reconstruction money in Iraq / 300 children left behind ’cause their schools closed down in New Orleans / Safety and environmental regulations hamstrung by executive order.

I mean this—

“Where was the executive order to amend Executive Order 12866 on regulatory planning and review signed?”

“On the bottom!”

—doesn’t really work, does it?

I don’t even know if executive orders are signed on the bottom. I think they probably are; but who knows? There might be a cover sheet/signature page or some shit like that.

The thing is, I’m running out of Bazooka Joe comics, and the place where I’ve bought them at, doesn’t seem to carry them anymore. I could probably get my hands on “new and improved” Bazooka, but “new and improved” Bazooka comics are for shit. I could probably find old B.J. comics on the web and continue, or just use whatever comic strip works on a given week, sorta like this.

But is it even worth carrying on with this feature? From my standpoint, other than forcing me to post on Wednesdays, it hasn’t served its purpose. Our underpopulated comments section is just as underpopulated as ever. Where you at, people?

Do you, the 200+ visitors who visit here each day enjoy this “feature”? Hell, do the 200+ visitors who visit here each day read this blog? Or are there really just that many of you searching for “Huey from the Boondocks” or “Trent Reznor’s hair“?

NOTE: I am coming right out and asking for some feedback here.

It’s easy to leave a comment. Click the link down at the bottom right-hand side of the post that most likely still says (0) Commentate! and type in your stuff:

1. Make up a fake name.
2. Trust us we won’t sell your email to spammers and it won’t appear on this site.
3. “URI” means web address; but you don’t need one to testify.
4. Write as much as you want in the box. Unless you’re a spammer, it will not be edited or deleted by us. Anything goes from “Stump Lane has changed my life, thank you so much!” to “You suck, your blog sucks, and I hope you die of cancer.” Whatever it is, say it.

Ok. That is all.

[Cross posted from: I Miss Fafblog, Spot!]

Heyo-dalee. Mesa Ja Ja Binks. Yousen President, Boss Bush, issen muy concerned aboot dissen berry bad situation wit Iran. Hesa berry worried yousa all getten pasted by a nu-qu-ler boomba! Hesa asken Ja Ja Binks to represent yousen as Special Delegate tada United Nations to present da evidence of dis grave and gathering threat. Mesa honored to be taken on dissa heavy burden, which mesa accept with muy muy humility.

Mesa also berry honored to have dissa opportunity to practice mesa spekch on yousen Fafmissen!

Prepared Remarks for Jar Jar Binks’ U.N. Presentation

Tank yousa, Boss President.

Boss President, Boss Secretary General, Ambassadors, dellow felagates, heyo-dalee. Mesa Ja Ja Binks. My would liken to begin by expressing mesa tanks for da special effort dat each yousa made comen here tookie-dalee.

Dis isa muy bigo day for wesa all; as wesa review da situation wit respect to Iran’s nu-qu-ler mackineeks; an da special restrictions da Security Council should enforcen above and beyond da limits of da Non Proliferation Treaty.

My would liken if yousa be yoken mesa PowerPoint slide show now, okeyday?

(more…)

This guy walks into a bar… only it isn’t a guy, it’s a State Representative, and it isn’t a bar, it’s the State House. Anyway, he doesn’t think college students should be able to vote where they reside:

… College students who claim [what, no "scare quotes"?] residency in Maine but spend summers or holidays in other states pose a threat to full-time residents, Knight said.

“What it does is disenfranchise Maine voters who are paying their taxes,” he said. “I want these kids to become part of the political process. But I don’t want them to determine who our governor is, and then head back to California or Michigan, or wherever they’re from.” [Kennebec Journal: College Dems protest plan to halt voting]

Uhhhh… Paying taxes is not requisite for voting. Stop measuring things in money, people! College students, especially ones attending the state universities and community colleges are stakeholders and should be allowed to vote on those-who-decide-how-much-they-will-pay-to-go-to-college here. Note to money-measurers: though it isn’t ‘paying taxes’ it is ‘paying tuition’ to the state.

Also, if I am not mistaken — correct me if I’m wrong [edit: I am partially wrong, see update below.] — when someone resides in a place 223 out of 365 days— more for students who keep off-campus apartments over winter break —which is more than half the year, then they become a legal resident and they aren’t just “claiming” residency. (There’s the scare quotes!)

Knight also accused Maine college students of committing large-scale voter fraud by casting absentee ballots while also voting in Maine elections.

“They laugh about it, it’s a joke,” Knight said. “They can overwhelm a community.”

Knight also said that he had no evidence to substantiate these allegations. [Emphasis added.]

The bolded part says it all, doesn’t it? Most of it, anyway.

Holy Fucking Shit. Anybody can really say anything they want to in today’s world, can’t they.

That’s egregious!

Disclosure: the Author may have once voted for Governor based solely on an unequivocal promise that the state budget was fine and there would absolutely be no need to raise tuition rates at the state universities and colleges, only to face a tuition increase immediately upon said Governor’s election. (Hey, that guy was saying anything he wanted to back then!) That was egregious!

UPDATE: As self-punishment for going off half-cocked earlier, the State of Maine residency requirements for student voter registration are now below the fold. As I read it, it looks like students living on-campus— who haven’t established residency in, say, an apartment —are already not considered legal residents for voting purposes. Which takes some of the wind out of that part of my argument. But, I will note that the determination is left to the municipality where the person is attempting to register; and I remember being allowed to vote in the town where I was living on campus, rather than my home town.

On the other hand, if you read the residency part of the tax code, (also included below the fold,) if the person earns income in Maine, regardless of residency, they must pay Maine taxes! Which kinda buggers that part of Knight’s argument as well. (more…)

I’ve gotta hand it to SuckDonald’s cheeseburgers. Them things are good useful! . . . (For their laxative effect.)

No caption.

Eleven “random” songs that played on my mp3 device this morning.

1. Bigmouth Strikes Again — The Smiths — (+)
2. Music Non Stop — Kraftwerk — (=)
3. A Stranger — A Perfect Circle — (+)
4. Sweet and Lovely — The Thelonious Monk Quartet with John Coltrane — (+)
5. Sugar Girl — The Cure — (=) Sometimes a “B-side” is just a B-side.
6. I Would Die 4 U — Prince — (+)
7. Vegetable — Radiohead — (=)
8. You Can’t Scratch — X-Ecutioners — (N/A) It’s a segue.
9. Mother Nature’s Son — The Beatles — (+)
10. Pillow Case — The Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black — (+)
11. Money Folder — Madvillain — (+)

Bonus #12: Glamorous Glue — Morrissey

Scoring: +, =, +, +, =, +, =, N/A, +, +, +. Aggregate: +7*

*This list is either ‘not random’ (i.e. I fell asleep at the wheel and missed a few of the songs that played;) or, I may have finally succeeded in removing all of the “minuses” from my nonPod.

Our military has demonstrated the power of a new weapon set to be produced starting in 2010:

The military calls its new weapon an “active denial system,” but that’s an understatement. It’s a ray gun that shoots a beam that makes people feel as if they are about to catch fire. [Associated Press: Military shows off new ray gun]

Questions:

1. Should this be seen as a good thing: that we’re trying to come up with non lethal weapons in the hopes of reducing “collateral damage” in warfare?
2. Should it be a concern that powerful people — our leaders — can’t seem to get past the use — and justification — of the coercive effects of WAR and PAIN as means to impose the power of a truth on a non-receptive population?
3. Should we be troubled that past scientific inquiry into non-lethal weaponry was meant to determine “how much pain can be inflicted on someone before causing injury or death,” rather than ‘what amount of pain must be inflicted to compel an enemy to put down their weapon?’
4. Who are we? Can we be beacons of liberty and terrorists and torturers?

Questions aside, the good news is that the active denial system demonstrated for the press is perfectly innocuous!

Anyone hit by the beam immediately jumped out of its path because of the sudden blast of heat throughout the body. While the 130-degree heat was not painful, it was intense enough to make the participants think their clothes were about to ignite.

Perfectly innocuous!

The system uses electromagnetic millimeter waves, which can penetrate only 1/64th of an inch of skin, just enough to cause discomfort. By comparison, microwaves used in the common kitchen appliance penetrate several inches of flesh.

Indeed. Safer than disabling the safety mechanism that stops your microwave from operating with the door open, sticking your head inside and pressing ‘start.’ I’d bet you could disperse the shit out of a group of protesters with microwaves, though!

Suggestion: read the original comic first to get a feel for the joke, then read the alternate version. You’re invited to leave your own take on the joke in our underpopulated comment section. Click here for past examples.

“I’ll bet I can keep the military occupation of Iraq going for years!”

“That would be great, Val!”

“Why? Because you like to watch military occupations of Iraq?”

“No, because by securing the energy required to temporarily sustain my unsustainable, exuberant American lifestyle— which is based on the extraction of toxic compounds from the Earth’s crust and releasing them into the atmosphere —rather than pursuing serious energy policy reform, will bring about the end of the planet’s long-time, amoral regime of being habitable for human life in just centuries rather than millennia, and our cosmic debt will be paid in full!”

“This year’s topic is a simple one: tell us, and your readers, why you’re pro-choice.”

From the archives, this is what I have said/still say about women’s reproductive choice:

A woman has the same right [regarding the disposition of her own body] as a homeowner to determine whether a person in their home is an invited guest or an intruder that poses a threat— or, in Florida, for any person on the street to make the same determination about any other person on the street —and to “meet force with force, including deadly force if they reasonably believe it is necessary to do so.”

What’s more— not that it matters at all, in terms of the truth of the situation —I trust women in exercising this judgment.

A horse is like a pig without horns.

Another monochromatic image of decay from Your Montag.