Stump Lane
in the dirt since history began

Scientific experiment in which we participate by placing this link here: How fast is a meme?

According to an update to the experiment linked above, apparently a meme is capable of spreading “very very fast.” Of course this doesn’t absolve one from first having to say something compelling enough to ‘take off.’ (more…)

Suggestion: read the original comic first to get a feel for the joke, then read the alternate version. You’re invited to leave your own take on the joke in our underpopulated comment section. Click here for past examples.

“Pesty, what’s the first increment of a United States resident alien’s imprisonment inside the United States?”

“The first day of the rest of their life.”

“Right— and what comes after that?”

“All the rest of them!”

[Fehlleistungen: Jailed Immigrants May Be Held Indefinitely]

Montag calls attention to a recent news item, here: “Jailed Immigrants May Be Held Indefinitely”:

Immigrants arrested in the United States may be held indefinitely on suspicion of terrorism and may not challenge their imprisonment in civilian courts, the Bush administration said Monday, opening a new legal front in the fight over the rights of detainees.

In court documents filed with the 4th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Richmond, Va., the Justice Department said a new anti-terrorism law being used to hold detainees in Guantanamo Bay also applies to foreigners captured and held in the United States.

I can’t help but point out that ANYONE COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING, as it was splashed across front pages when the bill (now law) in question initially came up before Congress. Then, I asked you to think of an “immigrant,” someone you might know, and then to

[t]hink of them making a mistake: meeting someone on a “terrorist list” at a cafe, donating money to a local religious charity, marching in D.C. for the unification of North and South Korea, handing out pamphlets urging the adoption of diplomatic measures in the Middle East, placing a bumper sticker on their automobile which reads “War is Not the Answer,” and so on. Then imagine them being arrested and detained without any right to challenge their detention, which, as we’ve seen, can go on indefinitely.

Wait, let’s see it again: SUSPICION => ARREST => INDEFINITE DETENTION. I don’t know about you, but it sounds like a police state to me.

A second installment of our fledgling comic strip, if one can even call it that. But before you read on, read this post and do something about girls’ education for the holidays.

Stump Lane Comics: Episode 2

No, that’s not all. Keep reading! (more…)

Not an Angry Eye

Tradition, familial expectations and a year upon year, devilishly effective marketing campaign pretty much ensure that most of the people reading this will be expected and compelled to carefully select, purchase and distribute a good many gifts in the coming weeks. (Of course, to be fair you’ll receive some as well.)

So, amid the tumult of The Biggest Shopping Day of the Year™— this day that changes people; I mean it gets like Lord of the Flies out there —I ask you: why deal with all of that shit? Why not give (and request) charitable donations for the holidays?

Why not make charitable donations to organizations that work toward educating girls in developing countries?

Educating girls is an essential part of winning the fight against global poverty. On average, an educated girl boosts the income of her family and her community; has fewer, more healthy children; and is less likely to contract HIV/AIDS.

The benefits of girls’ education extend beyond the local community. Studies show that increasing the number of educated girls in a country fosters economic growth, promotes political stability and reduces health care costs. [NetAid: Educating Girls]

A quick, somewhat cursory internet search turned up the following groups that are engaged in this work. Suggestions for other organizations that should be included are welcome and will be added to the list. Pressing ‘CN’ will take you to the Charity Navigator report for the organization. Likewise, pressing ‘G.o’ will take you to the Give.org report.

• World Education (CN, G.o)
• Save The Children (CN, G.o)
• CAMFED (Reports not available.)
• Girls Global Education Fund (Reports not available.)

If you, Dear Reader, decide to contribute to educating girls this season, drop us a line in our underpopulated comment section. (Makes us feel like we’ve done something.)

This is another post co-authored by the dynamic, unstoppable duo of Montag and Fehlleistungen: Fehlleistungen and Montag.

[Welcome, liberals, to the Carnival of the Liberals #26, and our humble blog, Stump Lane, home to dark gray text on black background. If you prefer black text on white, click 'stump lite' in the right hand column under 'themes' and We'll fix you right up. If you are not new to Stump Lane please note there will be no 'Gang Ativity' today with Bazooka Joe. (Click here for past editions if you need a fix.) But for now: let's start a war!]

Fellow citizens, there is a fraud being perpetuated in our country. There are some walking among us clinging to the belief that Christopher Columbus ‘discovered’ America and the national holiday we observe tomorrow still holds meaning as a celebration of the bounty of the harvest and as a commemoration of that first lovely dinner between the ‘Indians’ (who brought the ‘maize’) and the ‘Pilgrims’ (who whipped up the rest of the dinner on their gas range.) That these ideas persist is the work of Thanksgivingists.

The Thanksgivingists hate the truth, and crave only power. They work to undermine free thought and expression in all of its forms. The Thanksgivingists walk among us. They are pervasive. They have infiltrated every segment of society, and even key positions in government. They oppose the reality based community everywhere it conflicts with their objectives.

How does one confront such an enemy? It begins with hope; and Lewd Cognoscenti shows the way. But hope alone isn’t the solution. We cannot sit still and wait for the Thanksgivingist threat to develop to the point where it can completely subjugate the truth.

Top policy and military advisers have developed the plans for victory. Hell’s Handmaiden has detailed plans for toppling the Thanksgivingists leadership at the highest levels. Mad Kane has a brief and poetic executive summary of the same plan. While The Good Human has a contingency plan to mitigate the damage these soon to be deposed leaders have wrought. Of course, as Avant News reports, the Thanksgivingists will deride any plan that is not of their own creation.

Now is the time to put these plans into service. We must act quickly and decisively. The Thanksgiving holiday poses a grave and unique threat, as it marks the beginning of that time of year when the Thanksgivingists’ consumeristic marketing scheme is most pervasive and insatiable.

It is the time of year when the masses become engorged and sleepy on poultry, pie, and 1.5 gallon jugs of Riunite. When they become complacent and acquiescent. Which is precisely why we must strike now.

The assault will begin by making the cranberries of marriage safe for everyone through the shock and awe of Jon Swift’s magnificent can-shaped cranberry sauce logic. Then, once the opposition is softened up, its an easy march to the mashed potatoes and a protracted, but in no way futile search for A Bomb A Nation’s Easter ham of economic justice; and we know where that is. Our best available intelligence tells us it’s hidden inside the turkey of laissez-faire capitalism; and in the area of the squash, turnips, corn and the jello-mold somewhat.

Then, it’s time to count our blessings— thankful that major military operations are over —beneath a spiffy ‘mission accomplished’ banner. VICTORY!

This is the part where our adventure devolves into chaos with no conceivable end.

In all seriousness, chaos is a danger with a liberal movement divided by factions with differing priorities that sometimes find themselves working at cross-purposes. The important things to remember are the universal truths that bind us all together: like Abyss2hope’s admonishment about torture and No Right Turn’s defense of fundamental freedoms. If we hold true to our basic values and avoid unproductive chaos, we may not find years down the road that it has become necessary to divide the warring factions of our own society as The Thomas Political Report concludes has become necessary in real war-torn Iraq.

Well, it’s been an honour (‘u’ and all) and a pleasure hosting Carnival of the Liberals. The selection process was made difficult by the quality of writing and the range of worthy subjects. We thank everyone who submitted material and hope everyone throws in again for the December 6th edition of CotL. THE YEAR ANNIVERSARY. (They grow up so fast, don’t they?) It will be hosted by one of the very forefathers of CotL, TNG at Neural Gourmet who says:

This will be a best-of edition so I’ll be looking for everybody to send in their best blog posts from the past year that haven’t already appeared in, or been submitted to CotL in the past. More about what I’ll be looking for when I post my call for submissions next week.

So visit the carnival home page and watch Neural Gourmet for your instructions.

[As a final note: a shameless plea to add Stump Lane to your blogroll, with a promise of a return of the favor. (Sick of playing 272,593rd fiddle.)]

You think the two major US political parties are so ‘bitterly divided’ they can’t possibly cooperate? Look at how strenuously they protect the two party system in lockstep.

Sunrise Impression

[Cross Posted.]

Mmmm, mmmm. There’s no pie can hold a candle to good ol’ Old Fashioned Chocolate Cream Pie!

“But what about good ol’ Old Fashioned Banana Cream Pie?” You might ask. And you’d be right. Old Fashioned Banana Cream Pie is awesome! But this pie blog is about Old Fashioned Chocolate Cream Pie.

Old Fashioned Chocolate Cream Pie is really old fashioned. Dexter Darrelrod calls it the “primordial pie.” In fact, many believe that Old Fashioned Chocolate Cream Pies hold the secrets of time itself. Through continued study, scientists believe the pies will eventually reveal to them the very nature of space and time and how the universe was born.

But you don’t have to unlock the secrets of space-time itself to come to know the almost equally inconceivable deliciousness of this pie.

At the base is a simple pie crust, almost any crust will do; and it is topped with household whipped cream; but the mystery, and timeless magic, live deep inside. The filling is a very nearly euthanasic cocktail of egg, sugar, milk, unsweetened, non-alkalized, American-style cocoa powder, flour, cornstarch, salt, bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, unsalted butter, and vanilla extract, brought to a boil on the stove, poured into its shell and chilled to godlike perfection.

“Hey wait a minute!” You might say, “This filling isn’t anything but chocolate pudding!”

To which I’d say, “Poppycock!”

To which you might say, “What’s up with the perfectly smooth pudding skin surface, then?”

To which I’d, in turn, say, “You’re darn right it’s perfect.”

But that surface you seem so scornful of, isn’t pudding skin at all. What you are looking at is actually the event horizon; beyond which, there is a satisfactional field so intense that no appetite can escape. In fact, once within its grasp, nothing can escape it. Not even light.

To which you’d have nothing left to say but, “Wow. That’s some darn serious pie!”

And you’d be right.

[Liberals, submit your work for the next edition of Carnival of the Liberals to be hosted right here at Stump Lane.]

Suggestion: read the original comic first to get a feel for the joke, then read the alternate version. You’re invited to leave your own take on the joke in our underpopulated comment section. Click here for past examples.

“Isn’t he a wonderful pitcher, Joe? . . . He always hits their bats no matter where they hold them!”

“Actually, Jane, he gets a lot of movement on a pitch he throws called a gyroball. It spins like a ‘spiral’ football. (Or a bullet!) Thing dives down and to the left: very hard to hit.”

“I couldn’t have nothin’ with you, Joe! You completely ruined my joke with your superfluous chatter! Look at the scene in the background! We have a pitcher being taken deep: getting downright schooled. Obviously not your precious ‘D-Mat’— to whom you’ve already assigned that tiresome nickname; before a contract agreement has even been reached —with his wondrous ‘gyroball.’”

“Gee. I’m sorry, Jane.”

“Go to hell, Joe.”

[Portland Press Herald (AP): Sox take step to shore up rotation]

Carnival of The Liberals #26: The War on Thanksgiving Edition — Call for Submissions

Yes, COTL #26: will be here at The Stump November 22, 2006. After months of my own brilliant posts crashing against the rocks of competition from Liberals Who Can Actually Write, I’ve decided that hosting this thing may be the only option I have left to be a part of it, beyond— you know —reading all the Quality Liberal Writing featured.

As of this writing the COTL website appears to be down perfectly fine. That doesn’t mean you cannot submit. The Blog Carnival form and the COTL email address are also at your disposal. The sooner I receive your submission the better, but please transmit submissions before the deadline of noon EST on Monday, November 20.

[Continue reading for submission guidelines...] (more…)

Did you miss us?

Stump Lane, it seems, was down for a few days as our web hosting company, Globat, wrongly allowed our domain name registration to expire, and consequently, our web address to be commandeered by corporate advertising vultures. Your Montag has been sick with it.

Shouldn’t there be, say, a six month moratorium on expired domain names that would protect registrants from this type of opportunistic exploitation?

PS: If this is the kind of stellar service you desire in a web hosting company and you decide to join up with Globat, tell them I sent you. I could get a free year of service and a color iPod nano!