Stump Lane
in the dirt since history began

Headlight

It’s evening. It’s eight o’clock. The kids are in bed. The stillness of night is settling in. And, oh yeah . . . we are no longer a nation of laws based on unalienable human Rights:

Senate OKs detainee interrogation bill

On the front page of the Boston Globe this morning, we find:

A last-minute change to a bill currently before Congress on the rights of prisoners at Guantanamo Bay could have sweeping implications inside the United States: It would strip green-card holders and other legal residents of the right to challenge their detention in court if they are accused of being “enemy combatants.”

Yes, this change to the bill, a change which no one seems to know who initiated, would “mak[e] it legal for noncitizens inside the United States to be detained indefinitely, without access to the court system, until the ‘war on terror’ is over.” Think of someone you know who is in the U.S. on a green card, a legal resident. Think of them making a mistake: meeting someone on a “terrorist list” at a cafe, donating money to a local religious charity, marching in D.C. for the unification of North and South Korea, handing out pamphlets urging the adoption of diplomatic measures in the Middle East, placing a bumper sticker on their automobile which reads “War is Not the Answer,” and so on. Then imagine them being arrested and detained without any right to challenge their detention, which, as we’ve seen, can go on indefinitely.

The removal of the phrase “outside the United States” from the bill leaves us with:

“no court, justice, or judge shall have jurisdiction to hear or consider an application for a writ of habeas corpus filed by or on behalf of an alien detained by the United States who has been determined by the United States to have been properly detained as an enemy combatant or is awaiting such determination.”

This is one of the more frightening things that I’ve heard. Let’s pray that Arlen Specter’s amendment to the bill passes.

[Cross-posted.]

Local television giant, Eddie Driscoll, has passed away. Here’s a part of one obit piece:

Quiet and more reserved when not on camera, Driscoll morphed into another personality, dozens of personalities over the years, once he hit the sound stage.

“As soon as that camera came on he just turned into a totally different person,” said Margo Cobb, former general manager and vice president of WLBZ 2 in Bangor.

Through his slapstick, visual comedy style and quirky characters such as the baggy-dressed Margaret, the dim-witted Bruce Budworm and the lovable Mason Mutt, Driscoll became a household name in Maine and the Maritime Provinces. [Bangor Daily News: TV pioneer Eddie Driscoll dies at 81]

I remember Mason Mutt, and I once witnessed Driscoll’s his “quiet and more reserved” off-camera persona. When in elementary school I once became awestruck upon seeing him at a dingy local shopping center. I couldn’t bring myself to speak to him, but seeing the glow of adulation on my face, he simply smiled graciously.

I mostly remember watching him on The Great Money Movie when I was a little bit older; calling people at random during the breaks to ask if they knew the word that had flashed up on the screen during the movie; dialing the numbers with the flair required to make operating a rotary telephone on TV entertaining; and narrating the call as he waited for the person to pick up, “One ringy-dingy . . . Two ringy-dingy . . .” For some reason I can’t quite put my finger on, I loved that shtick. I was scarred by watching Hitchcock’s The Birds on the Great Money Movie, but I most looked forward to Battlestar Galactica week, and the Woody Woodpecker and Chilly Willy cartoons they showed to fill up the airtime allotted for the program.

But there was more to the man than what I remember. Long before my time, he cut his teeth in the early days of television. Here’s a bit of a retrospective piece from a couple of years ago:

Eddie had one of the first TV morning shows. He’d do interviews and comedy bits and, of course, the commercials. Cobb says no one thought the morning show would work, “The powers-that-be decided that no one would watch television in the morning.”

Eddie Driscoll was a natural TV performer and a natural comedian in his prime in the era of the legendary TV comics like Sid Cesar. “He was as good as they were,” says Cobb, “Regrettably he lived in Bangor, Maine and didn’t have the promoter to push him into New York.” [aroundmaine.com: The Genius of Eddie Driscoll]

And apparently he was among the first television performers to be hassled by uptight company censors:

Sometimes Eddie would push the envelope. “He needed a censor.” Margo Cobb says, “Unless you really got on top of him he could be a little naughty.” Eddie wasn’t above letting humorous double entendre slip out over the pristine air of WLBZ. Green agrees sometime Eddie let things slip that maybe shouldn’t have been said on TV. [Ibid.]

Sadly, in his fifties, the changed nature of the television business and early effects of Alzheimer’s disease, meant less opportunity for him to shine. He retired from the business in 1987 after 33 years. Over time, Alzheimer’s would take a heartbreaking toll and rob Driscoll of the ability to communicate.

Over the years, quite often, Eddie Driscoll entered my thoughts. I wondered. “Whatever happened to him?” Today, I know it is time to mourn the suffering he and his family endured, mark his death, but most importantly, continue celebrating his career. Farewell, Eddie Driscoll.

[The image, and much of the biographical information comes from that aroundmaine.com link.]

Here’s something from the Declassified Key Judgments of the National Intelligence Estimate Trends in Global Terrorism: Implications for the United States dated April 2006:

Anti-US and anti-globalization sentiment is on the rise and fueling other radical ideologies. This could prompt some leftist, nationalist, or separatist groups to adopt terrorist methods to attack US interests. The radicalization process is occurring more quickly, more widely, and more anonymously in the Internet age, raising the likelihood of surprise attacks by unknown groups whose members and supporters may be difficult to pinpoint.

• We judge that groups of all stripes will increasingly use the Internet to communicate, propagandize, recruit, train, and obtain logistical and financial support.

[Emphasis added.]

Well, that’s interesting! Especially when taken with the concerns — about an expanded definition of “enemy combatant;” collection of evidence inside the US, but outside of American legal standards; and the shunting of Habeas Corpus — voiced right here just hours ago.

Let’s just say Your Montag’s just glad I’m not a leftist who uses the Internet to communicate or propagandize!

Tell me again why I should trust our government with essentially unbridled power?

[Feel free to skip this post by scrolling down or clicking through to our usual Wednesday Bazooka Joe comic feature.]

This is from a New York Times article about the ‘handling of terrorism suspects’ legislation our leaders seem so determined to bulldoze through the process before they steamroll down the last stretch of the campaign.

Representatives and the White House were busy over the weekend tweaking the language here and there, to reach a “compromise.” You know, just some minor technicalities that don’t at all completely fucking change the meaning of key aspects of the bill: (more…)

A weak offering for the “Gang Activity” category this week. Suggestion: read the original comic first to get a feel for the joke, then read my alternate take. And although I don’t always say so, you’re always invited to leave your own take on the joke in our underpopulated comment section.

“I conflated the government of Iraq with the 9-11 terrorist attacks and selectively used questionable intelligence to take military action and occupy Iraq myself, Joe!”

“Jane, the Occupation of Iraq is going awful!”

“Oh yeah! Smarty! The National Intelligence Estimate says it’s fantastic!”

[Washington Post (pdf file): Declassified Key Judgments of the National Intelligence Estimate Trends in Global Terrorism: Implications for the United States dated April 2006]

There is nothing “vague” about it. If you have to ask, then it’s an outrage upon personal dignity. Simple.

Visage

Buried on Page A8 of this morning’s Boston Globe, we find:

In addition, Arlen Specter, a Pennsylvania Republican and the Senate Judiciary Committee chairman, has joined a range of Democrats in insisting that all terror suspects have a right to challenge their detention in federal court. The agreement reached yesterday strips defendants at the Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, detention facility of those “habeas corpus” rights.

This comes toward the end of a story on the agreement reached between the White House and Congress on how, exactly, to torture human beings, a story which the Globe warmly narrates as the resolution of a “squabble” between Republicans, a struggle over definitions of torture that had become a “distraction for the GOP.” So, two points this morning: (1) It should not be forgotten that this rewriting of the War Crimes Act strips detainees of their right to challenge their detention in federal court; (2) The issue of torture is being domesticated by the U.S. media, a political problem to be overcome in order for Republicans to present a “united front” rather than an incredible, insane discussion of how to best violate another human’s mind and body.

Wait a minute. I thought water boarding was wave riding in the prone position, on one of those stubby styrofoam surf boards; but it aint:

The prisoner is bound to an inclined board, feet raised and head slightly below the feet. Cellophane is wrapped over the prisoner’s face and water is poured over him. Unavoidably, the gag reflex kicks in and a terrifying fear of drowning leads to almost instant pleas to bring the treatment to a halt.

According to the sources, CIA officers who subjected themselves to the water boarding technique lasted an average of 14 seconds before caving in. They said al Qaeda’s toughest prisoner, Khalid Sheik Mohammed, won the admiration of interrogators when he was able to last between two and two-and-a-half minutes before begging to confess. [ABC News: CIA's Harsh Interrogation Techniques Described]

Fuck! That’s just wrong.

“Why is Mort now saying the Geneva Conventions prohibition of ‘outrages upon personal dignity,’ is too vague to be enforced, and that the War Crimes Act should be rewritten?”

“He’s trying to find the 6th dimension!”

[Salon: The GOP's tortured logic]

Note the concerned looks on Joe’s and Val’s faces in the first frame.

Then, the sense of relief in the second frame when their expressions relax, as they realize that Mortimer is merely fucking insane.

Of course, if there were a third frame, the concerned looks would likely return at the realization that they’d entrusted a great deal of political power to a bunch of apparent sociopaths. (Or, in the simpler, more innocent, Bazooka World context, that their friend may be suffering from some sort of mild psychosis.)

[Cross posted at I Miss Fafblog, Spot!]

Let’s try our hand at one of them serious discussions in the form of a Fafniric-style dialogue between Falkor and Gizzard.

GIZZARD: Well, Falkor, before we get started I have an announcement. With the election less than two months away, I’ve decided I must make a late run for President. I’m announcing my candidacy today.

FALKOR: But, Gizzard, we aren’t electing a President this year.

GIZ: Pish! I’m not going to sit by idly while there’s a gaping power void in Washington. This place needs a President!

FAL: We got a President. He’s just real busy. Only the other day it was leaked that he’s “drawin up plans to control emissions a carbon dioxide and rapidly boost the use a renewable energy sources,” (or somethin.)

GIZ: Exactly! He’s capitulating to the envirofascists and surrendering in the face of climaterrorism! He’s weak and it’s time to correct course.

FAL: But Gizzard, the Constitution says the President “shall hold his Office during the Term a four Years” and it hasn’t been four years since the last Presidential election yet.

GIZ: The Constitution also gives the President absolute Unitary Executive power to rule over every aspect of the country and its people! But when the President fails to do that duty, it becomes our “duty to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for (our) future security.”

FAL: Wait a sec, Gizzard. Do you think the President hasn’t done enough on wielding absolute power over the country and people?!

GIZ: Are you kidding, Falkor? What kind of “Unitary Executive” crawls pleading, to Congress, begging for permission to spy on and detain the very terrorists he declares are terrorists with all the impunity necessary for the battle?

FAL: Uhhh… OK, Gizzard. We’ll just set aside the Constitutional issues. What’s your platform?

GIZ: Complete Safety. When I’m President, I will not rest until every last one of my underlings is completely safe from terror, no matter how insignificant.

FAL: You make a valid point there, Gizzard. The risk of any particular person becoming a victim a terrorism is kinda insignificant.

GIZ: No! Everyone, everywhere — even though safer than before — still must walk this life fraught with grave, terrifying, palpable danger! It’s my underlings that are insignificant.

FAL: Oh. But is it productive for people to walk through life worryin about somethin happenin that’s about as likely as gettin struck by lightenin?

GIZ: Falkor, you misperceive an essential truth. Sure, the odds against being struck by lightning at any given time are very great. But if you stand on high ground during a thunder storm where the worst of it is coming down, your odds become more grim, no? I call this the Lightning Rod Principle.

FAL: Ok…

GIZ: Well, living in the greatest country in the world during an International War on Terror is exactly the same. Freedom is our lightning rod: a lightning rod for terror! This is why we must forge a lightning rod for terror out of the mettle of freedom in Iraq. A well constructed one will draw the terrorist current away from the homeland. It’s kind of like flypaper — only with FIRE!

FAL: Don’t you mean metal? The lightning rod for terror in Iraq should be forged out a metal?

GIZ: No, mettle of freedom. Mettle of freedom!

FAL: Good idea! Those Medals a Freedom are a dime a dozen lately! You could make all a them guys who messed up Iraq in the first place give em back for the good a the project.

GIZ: METTLE. We need mettle. The grit and fortitude and perseverance to fight the forever war for Victory! For the Iraq of tomorrow.

FAL: “Forever War?!” I don’t think that’s such a great election slogan, Gizzard.

GIZ: No. I’m calling it the “Tomorrow War.” Much more bright and optimistic, right?

FAL: Tomorrow, tomorrow, you’re only a day away.

GIZ: Yeah. Now you’re getting it.

FAL: See, don’t you think a message of hope is more hopeful than a fearful message of fear? You seem pretty to be layin it on pretty thick.

GIZ: Falkor, fear is natural and necessary for survival. If you do not heed your fear, you will eventually die. So embrace your fear: VOTE GIZZARD, and keep on living!

FAL: Well, you’ve certainly convinced me! You’ve got my vote in November!

GIZ: Thanks! Thank you for your support.

The events and characters depicted in this bloggoplay are fictitious. Any similarity to actual persons, living, dead or bloginary, is purely coincidental… Or is it intentional? I always forget how that goes.

The taillights on that car are ridiculous.