Stump Lane
in the dirt since history began

We must keep all options on the table vis-a-vis the Oceans, for the sea gods have abandoned US in Our time of greatest need. And I don’t mean in the “there’s only one line of footprints in the sand” sense, but in the “there’s no footprints at all because We’ve been swept out to sea by an undertow, and left for dead in the icy water” sense. (Think Bobby Shatford (Mark Wahlberg) at the end of The Perfect Storm.)

But there’s an iceberg, and though it seems cold and desolate, it is strong and faithful. Frozen out of down-home cooperation and know-how, deep down it’s got the good graces of the benevolent sea gods. It’s just… well… adrift.

And there is a ship. A great and mighty ship. A 46,328 ton luxury ocean liner. Built out of hundreds of years of pioneeristic bravery and true grit, it’s hull remains strong and seaworthy. But it has veered dangerously off-course.

It seems the global warming of the Unitary Executive will crack and melt the iceberg with the sunrays of secrecy, corruption and domestic spying — but not fast enough — for the mighty ship, while its captain flirts with the first-classers, seems set on a not-slow-enough collision course with the iceberg.

What is a cold and lonely fellow treading water to do? Can he effect a mutiny of sorts among the ship’s crew, entreating them to correct it’s course? His cries are muffled by the cold mist of the black Atlantic night, and seemingly go unheard. Is there a sturdy place on the iceberg where he can rest his weakened limbs? Or should he just let the icy waters in to soothe his tired lungs?

“Aah, but it is an unsinkable 46,328 ton ocean liner built a good no-bid steel by the ol’ founding fathers an it’ll never go down. Look, there’s an iceberg, let’s hop in the CEOcopter an watch this ship plow that iceberg under.” —Bodiciah T. Rentlord III (Fafblog! comment section.)

Black Door

One of the dregs left-over from last summer. Note to self: take more pictures!

Here’s another log to add to the raging dearth of actual posts this week at Stump Lane: No posts from Your Montag today. The jury is out on whether this is a curse or a blessing.

You can help!
Leave a link to the Greatest Blog Post Ever in the comments. You know — to take up my slack. No time for me to pinch off the Greatest Blog Post Ever today. I’m goin’ to the museum!

Of course, you’re still welcome to hang out here. Check out the Vainglory. (See right-hand column.) It’s marvelous this time of year! [Bonus if you discover the source of this post's title.]

CNN: Bush: No need to worry about port security

Ok, so everybody else has already posted this on their blog, and I am positive that it has been taken insanely out of context. Nonetheless, these very words tumbled from OFFAL‘s lips today:

“People don’t need to worry about security.”

What a relief! And such a nice change of pace from what he was saying just the other week when he said:

“We cannot let the fact that America hasn’t been attacked in 4 1/2 years since September the 11th lull us into the illusion that the threats to our nation have disappeared. They have not.”

[I'll watch the White House site for a transcript to put that first quote in context. 'Cause that's the type of guy I am.]

UPDATED (more…)

Ice

Ice

Did you listen to Democracy Now! at lunch time as I don’t advocate often enough?

If not, go to the link below and listen or watch this particular segment, or just read the transcript. Alfred McCoy starts out talking about CIA involvement in the global drug trade, but about a third of the way down the transcript page we read:

AMY GOODMAN: Well, as a professor at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, you have not stopped looking at the C.I.A., and now you’ve written this new book. It’s called A Question of Torture: C.I.A. Interrogation, from the Cold War to the War on Terror. Give us a history lesson.

And he does.

Required reading: Professor McCoy Exposes the History of CIA Interrogation, From the Cold War to the War on Terror

[As I post this, only a partial transcript is available, hopefully the rest is forthcoming.]

Some reckless individuals would lead us believe an invasive race of poisonous toads in Australia— in an act of defiance of an OFFAL administration edict —is evolving!

Mad scientists introduced the heretical species into the Queensland, Australia ecosystem “70 years ago to tackle insect pests in canefields.” Since then, the brutes have “become an ecological catastrophe.”

Weighing in at to up two kilos (4.4 pounds), the unwanted anuran has extended its range to more than a million square kilometers (386,000 square miles) in tropical and sub-tropical Australia, crushing native species in its relentless advance.

A team of University of Sydney toad watchers positioned themselves on the front line of the invasion, 60 kilometers (35 miles) east of the city of Darwin, and for 10 months caught toads, some of which they radiotagged and let loose again.

“What the— But how? No toad species can expand its range that fast.”

“That’s no toad species. It’s a space station!”

“I have a very bad feeling about this.”

No, wait. That’s not right. Seriously, what did those scientists find out, anyway? (Not the mad ones, the brave ones.) Were they astonished?

They were astonished to find that the creatures can hop up to 1.8 kms (1.1 miles) a night during wet weather, a record for any frog or toad.

But even more remarkable was the discovery that the first toads to arrive at the front invariably had longer hind legs than those which arrived later.

By comparison, the toads which are living in the long-established Queensland colonies have much shorter legs.

Fascinating. But what does it mean?

The case is being seen as a classic example of [REDACTED] — animals that are stronger, faster or smarter are able to stake out new territory and defend it against those that are weaker, slower or less astute.

AFP Article: Darwin’s nightmare: Toxic toad evolves to secure supremacy

Let me get this straight, a band of brutish long-legged mutant poisonous frogs that already control tousands of square miles of territory, are wiping out native species left and right, expanding their territory and closing in on a human settlement? And that town’s name is Darwin?! So you start babbling on about some slapdash theory?!

People of Darwin, you have offended the LORD.

[Exodus 8:2] …behold, I will smite all thy borders with frogs: [3] And the river shall bring forth frogs abundantly, which shall go up and come into thine house, and into thy bedchamber, and upon thy bed, and into the house of thy servants, and upon thy people, and into thine ovens, and into thy kneadingtroughs: [4] And the frogs shall come up both on thee, and upon thy people, and upon all thy servants.

Responding to a UN report calling for an end to the Guantanamo detention camp, the White House
“suggested the investigators had based their conclusions on disinformation deliberately spread by terror groups.” The report provoked White House spokesman, Scott McClellan, into an inspired utterance that is truly the funniest thing I’ve read today: “We know that Al-Qaeda detainees are trained in trying to disseminate false allegations.” Right. The UN human rights investigators weren’t allowed to interview detainees for the report for their own good, because they’re overly susceptible to false allegations of torture and abuse.